A Vote of Confidence: Final Thoughts in the Lead-up to the Marriage Equality Referendum

Tomorrow morning, on the 22nd May 2015, a Friday no less, the Irish people (or as many as actually show up, that is) will make their final opinion on the government's latest proposal: The Marriage Equality Act 2015.  Whether "Yes" or "No", we'll finally have a definite answer about how this country feels about the issue.

And quite frankly, it can't come soon enough for me.

I've been unable to get away from the ongoing struggle of both sides to get my vote.  Despite my best efforts, the Yes side and the No side have been ruthless in their efforts to get their message across.  Just this morning I opened my browser, Google Chrome, and at the bottom of the page there read the following message:

"Google supports marriage equality #ProudToLove" 

No escape, I tell you.

And for the record, before anyone tries to accuse me of either supporting No in secret or lacking the backbone to make a decision, let it be said: I, Ben Donnelly,  a resident of Upper Kilmacud Road, Dundrum, Dublin 14, will be voting Yes.  I believe it is the right way to vote, I believe it is for the best, and I would be voting this way even if the popular vote was against it.  I shouldn't have to say that, but I'm saying it anyway because I have no interest in facing questions of allegiance.  Now that I've got that out of the way, let me continue with my thoughts and meditations.

I'm going to divide this article up into three stages.  The first will deal with voting in and of itself, which I believe everyone should do; the second will deal with the No vote and what I consider to be their inadvisable strategy of merging one grey and ambiguous debate (that of adoption and surrogacy) with the unambiguous issue of whether or not same-sex couples should be allowed to marry in order to avoid admitting that their case doesn't really hold weight anymore; finally, the third will be a message to the Yes side that while I appreciate their agreement with this fine Act, I don't appreciate the behaviour from some corners of that prestigious moral high ground.  That table of contents-in-brief now out of the way, let me get going:

Part 1: Get Out and Vote

Why anyone with a voting card should get out tomorrow and vote as they see fit

Ladies and gentlemen reading this blog post, do you all know what it means to live in a democracy/republic?  It means that the country is run by the people, and for the people.  It means that while the government that we elect gets to pass reforms and campaign for certain changes, the rules are written and revised by us. We, the people.  When it comes to matters which affect the constitution, we have the power.  Referenda exist to put that power in our hands.  

So it's more than a little strange that the turnout for referenda is consistently low these days.  In one case, as little as 30% of registered voters cared enough to cast a vote on it.  

I consider this a ridiculous practice.  We have the right to refuse to vote, but do those of you who abstain from referendum voting realise what that connotates?  It speaks of apathy.  It says that you don't care enough about the democratic powers invested in you by this country and its constitution to take a stance on issues which affect it.  Even if they don't have broad implications for you personally, you should still make use of these voting powers; to simply vote in elections and leave it to the reigning government to figure out the rest is both lazy and foolish.  

What does it mean if the Act gets passed? A lot.  Maybe not for straight people or non-straight people who have no interest in marriage, but it would mean a lot nonetheless for other people.  And if it doesn't?  That also means a lot.  Whether either is the desired outcome is a can of worms I refuse to open here.  

Because basically, what I'm saying is that you have the right to live in a democratic and non-oppressive society, but you also have a responsibility to ensure that it is so.  If you simply put your hands in your pockets and shrug your shoulders, by all means, but don't complain about the outcome if you didn't put in the effort to change it.  

Part 2: To the No side

I don't know why you oppose this referendum, but I don't agree with the campaign your promoters have been putting out

Basically, people just can't seem to decide what they feel about adoption, surrogacy, sperm donation, artificial insemination et al.  I understand - for someone who's always been told that family is a matter of conceiving a child out of trust and love and wanting to start a family, the idea that children can be carried to term for someone else's benefit, or that two men can adopt a child of whom only one of the father, or that people can go looking for someone to do the conception in a lab for them etc is probably hard to wrap their head around.  I imagine at least some of the No side's proponents believe this debate will be the next matter of public debate and the next thing to get reform/legitimisation in Ireland.  Well, if it does, God help us all; the issue of whether an adopted child should get to go out and meet their biological parents will definitely come up, and so, I suspect, will the matter of whether someone who fathers (or mothers) the child should be allowed to get in touch with them and have contact.  Suffice it to say, it'll be pretty damn complicated.  

Nevertheless, that is utterly irrelevant to the referendum we are currently having.  The matter at hand is whether or not two people of the same sex deserve to get married - or, further, whether someone who has a more malleable gender deserves to get married, and so on.  I don't care what insecurities you have about unusual parental circumstances; if you don't agree with what I just described, that's one thing, but please don't lie to me and the rest of Ireland about what your grounds for the act's passing are.  You not only discredit yourselves and whatever cause you claim to have, but also only give people further reason to oppose you - you're either foolish people easily misled or manipulative liars trying to turn this into something it's not.  Either way, I have no time for it, and I suspect no one else on the Yes side does.  

Of course, if you were planning to vote No for different reasons, don't stop on my account.  Vote however you feel like; I didn't start writing this with intent to further the cause of one side or the other.  I ask only that you vote, one way or the other, because if nothing else you'll have shown that you care enough to act on your word.  

And on the subject of the Yes voters...

Part 3: To the Yes side

Do the words "Be gracious in victory" mean anything to you?

I imagine that people voting Yes are probably very nice - kind to children, helpful to elderly persons, happy to pitch in and do the right thing by a mate.  That said, some of them have apparently decided not to carry that over to proponents for the No side of this little debate.  

I can imagine why; their case is clearly the one that no longer holds water, in light of our society's more progressive views on sexual orientation, and more than a few don't seem to know what they're talking about.  However, I fail to see why that warrants people deciding to get all rude and snarky the moment they open their mouths.  And I'm not talking about amused parodies or moments of "Yeah, I don't buy it." I'm talking about commentary like this little gem, posted on the Irish Times website on the virtual page of an article by No proponent Breda O'Brien (see the page here) by a user called "LeoOShaughnessy", as follows: 

"I for one am glad that you and your ilk are a breed that are dying out in Ireland. Soon, you will be nothing but a footnote in history, much as the Ku Klux Klan are a footnote in US history. 
Good riddance."

My, what colourful language.  I should like to know if this Leo character would have the audacity to use the same kind of language in a public place, perhaps while speaking to the woman in question personally, with their face and voice et al on display for all to see, that s/he is evidently willing to use from behind the safety of Internet anonymity, a keyboard and a possibly fake username.  

Well, Leo, maybe you think your comment makes you a fearless defender of the people, not afraid to stand up and say it how it is, and the approval you've netted from other users seems to corroborate that; I, however, think it makes you look like a rude, arrogant jerk, who's taking cheap shots at easy targets because they know they can get away with it and no one will get angry at them for it.  

Several people like Leo have taken to rubbing their seemingly-impending victory in the other side's face, and maybe it's just me but quite frankly, I'm getting tired of it.  Am I supposed to cheer?  This kind of behaviour doesn't usually warrant cheering, but I guess I'm not supposed to feel compassion for the people on the other side of the divide.  That's the impression I'm getting, anyway.  

Nonetheless, I ask people voting Yes, all over Ireland and the Internet, to please stop doing this.  Be gracious in victory, accept whatever verdict comes about and don't use the Internet's post-what-you-like policy to mock and/or make fun of the No side.  What's happening is the reversal of attitudes that existed in the state for so long.  This should be about all of us moving forward together as a country.  Making it into a contest of winning and losing benefits no one.  

Finally, as an end to this blogpost, let me say this to any potential commenters and/or people who will email me about this: I refuse to engage anyone who tries to hide behind an alias; I've put my name on this page, and my picture's in the blog portrait up there on the top right-hand corner.  I've put my game-face on; anyone who expects a response from me should hold themselves to that same standard, as I do. I will only respond to people who give me their name - their proper name, that is - and though a photo of their face is not obligatory, it doesn't hurt either.  

That's all for now.  I'm out.  Don't forget to vote.  

--Ben Donnelly, TCD Student and Aspiring Journalist